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Our nervous system responds instinctively to trauma and stress, and we often don’t feel we have a choice when our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) answers to threatening situations. Our trauma responses show up to help us get our needs met. Often we hear about the Fight, Flight, and Freeze response, but the discussion around the Fawn Response can be neglected.
What is the Fawn Response?
The fawn response is an attempt for your nervous system to avoid the threat of conflict, criticism, or disapproval; fawning refers to consistently abandoning your needs to serve others. This response allows for a sense of safety by merging with the needs, wishes, and demands of others, all while ignoring our own.
Fawn response behaviors include but are not limited to:
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Self-Sacrificing
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Martyrdom
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People-pleasing
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Codependency
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Placating or Appeasing
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Taking responsibility or blame for the emotional reactions, behaviors, and actions of others
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Neglecting your own needs
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Over-apologizing
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Difficulty saying No
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“Blending in” or Chameleon behaviors
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Compromising your values
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Sometimes Dissociation or Disconnection
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Changing your thoughts, ideas, or preferences to align with others
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Porous or lack of boundaries
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Finding Authentic Self-Expression challenging
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Tolerating or Justifying received Abuse or Neglect
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Empathizing with or for your abuser (commonly abusive parents)
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Holding back opinions or preferences (Especially those that might seem controversial)
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Experiencing Chronic Pain or Illness
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Denying your pain, needs, wants, complaints, or discomfort
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Difficulty noticing red flags in relationships
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Stockholm Syndrome is the most extreme form of the fawn response
The Fawn response is complicated and linked with trauma and should not be confused with choosing to demonstrate compassion, kindness, and selflessness. The fawn response is commonly dominant among those who experience complex trauma, CPTSD, and/or childhood trauma rather than single-event trauma such as catastrophic injury or an accident. Research links relational trauma (such as your relationship with a parent or caregiver) to the fawn response.
Fawning often is deceitful because, if used in safe relationships, it feels like you are maintaining peace and harmony through self-abandonment; when in reality, you are actually deciding to be invisible and making it difficult to connect with you. There is space for you without shrinking or minimizing yourself to fit. Safe people want to know the real you, not their mirror image.
What are some of the strengths of the fawn response?
The fawn response is not a “BAD” part of you; it has remarkable strength, intuition, and resources. The part that pushes aside upsetting feelings, thoughts, and memories to help you keep functioning is not an imposter. This part helps you manage and survive despite all the pain and stress you have experienced. This is a learned response and survival strategy. Although it may feel confusing or chaotic, you are not broken. There is a reason these parts showed up, and healing is possible. Please know that you are not alone and that this response has likely got you through tough situations.
Who can help me to heal my Fawn Response and create a wiser nervous system?
You are valuable, which means your needs, ideas, thoughts, and feelings matter. It can be difficult to shift back into your body and present moment experience, but it may help to try accessing and increasing your awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and body. By slowing down, you might start recognizing your own needs. If you are still experiencing difficulty, seek professional help.
If you feel ready to address the trauma that has impacted your relationships and get out of survival mode, we would love to help you at Carmel Therapy Network overcome and heal this response. Working with a trauma-informed psychotherapist or a trauma-informed coach , you can work towards healing your fawn response. Going to a provider skilled in trauma healing is a great first step in getting some support and helping get unstuck. You’ve got this!
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With help from a licensed therapist specializing in Nervous System work and trauma-informed care (TIC), you can overcome the freeze response under stress. If you feel ready to address the trauma that has impacted your relationships and get out of survival mode, we would love to help you at Carmel Therapy Network overcome and heal this response. Working with a trauma-informed psychotherapist, you can work towards healing your freeze response. Going to a provider skilled in trauma healing is a significant first step in getting support and helping get unstuck. You’ve got this!
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Codependency is a complex issue affecting many people, especially those who grew up in emotionally unsafe homes. Codependency can be challenging to recognize and even harder to overcome, but it's essential to understand that help is available.At its core, codependency is a dysfunctional relationship where one person becomes overly dependent on another. Codependency can manifest in several ways, from constantly seeking validation and approval to sacrificing one's needs and desires for the other person's sake.One of the most challenging aspects of codependency is that it often goes unnoticed. The dependent person may feel like they are simply being supportive or helpful when their behavior enables the other person's unhealthy behavior.If you suspect you may be in a codependent relationship, seeking help is essential. Professional support may involve therapy, support groups, or other forms of professional assistance. Ultimately, overcoming codependency requires a willingness to change and a commitment to self-improvement. It won't be easy, but with the proper support and resources, it is possible to break free from the cycle of codependency and build healthier, happier relationships.Connect with usLearn more at https://coda.org/
Somatic experiencing is a form of therapy that focuses on healing trauma by allowing the body to release stored energy and tension. This technique was developed by Dr. Peter Levine, who noticed that animals in the wild could shake off traumatic experiences and quickly return to a state of calm. He realized humans have similar abilities, but we often suppress our natural instincts to avoid appearing vulnerable or weak.Through somatic experiencing, clients are guided to focus on physical sensations and movements rather than just talking about their experiences. This allows them to access and release the energy trapped in their bodies, often for years. The therapist helps the client stay present and notice any physical changes that occur as they explore their feelings and memories.Somatic experiencing can be helpful for anyone who has experienced trauma, including those who have been through a single traumatic event and those who have experienced ongoing stress or abuse. It can also be beneficial for those who suffer from anxiety, depression, or chronic pain, as it helps to regulate the nervous system and reduce stress.This therapy can be done in individual or group sessions and is often used in conjunction with other forms of treatment, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or medication. Finding a qualified somatic experiencing therapist trained in this technique is important, as it requires specialized skills and understanding.Somatic experiencing is a powerful tool for healing trauma and promoting overall well-being. By accessing the body's natural ability to release energy and tension, clients can experience relief and renewal and move towards a more positive and fulfilling life.
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